Friday, November 20, 2009

4th quarter

2nd sem started formally this week, and since there will be lots of holidays coming which includes Christmas and New year's break, colleagues told me that most likely will only have 6 weeks to complete the whole semester.

Obviously, the topics per syllabus this sem was much more compared to the previous one. Plus I had additional subjects to teach which makes me hurrying doing advance studies. I'm sure it'll be a more tough battle this time. Current load makes me visible on all levels, including the supposed graduates next year. Glad it's considered as minor only and research/interviews of people in the field could compensate or make the subject more interesting.

While I'm focus dealing with time management this sem, don't know what happened last week as my stomach gets upset again. Making me worried once feeling the same symptoms. Sometimes makes me crazy to think of dying early. Well yeah, perhaps being a good girl after all is worthy because after that, one doesn't need to feel anymore the pain, difficulties and heartache. Don't think that I'm a quitter, it's just that I've grown tired doing lots of things for everybody (doesn't mean pleasing them)...Neither have regrets doing it if I'll be given another chance. It was my joy to give almost everything and expect nothing in return. If there was something to be given back, for me it was like a taste of heaven!

And if I have more time or opportunities along this journey, the things I would like to do would be the fulfilment as a person and not to have the material things nor achieving my dreams. I guess, God has already blessed me for all the experiences and things I achieved. To tell the people I love, that I love them,to laugh with them more often, to be with them, to be a blessing for others... so that at the end, I could be worthy enough facing my Creator.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hat's off to you Survivor

Thou it seems like no one is following this blog or being nice or considerate enough to drop comment, I won't be discourage nor hinder from updating this blog of mine. But still, I had hopes of course to gain friends over here.

Anyway, 1st sem is over but it's been a busy week for me in computing my student's grades. More so, in preparing other documents for my clearance in which if I hadn't complied with will be the reason of me not in the payroll list this month. Ouch, it can't be since I had so many obligations (means bills to be payed for). So,

Also done this week was the closure of the deal on our historic jeep, which was on sale for sometime now. I haven't had a picture of it actually until the actual day it was sold. And while their towing it away from it's usual place, I was crying and turned back to ease the pain. Loosing and selling it was hard on our part, especially for mom. It was a very special thing for her, something very near on her heart. And why it couldn't be so?

This jeep has been with us for more than 20yrs. It was my parents first vehicle bought and thou it wasn't brand new when bought, we had considered it then as new. This jeep was our transport means for all the goods to the store back and forth. From the original padyak (pedicab - bicycle with 3 wheels), that's why they named him Survivor. It was my late father's baby, he droves it along Ayala Avenue to Pasong Tamo Makati back then and later to our home place area now. This jeep was usually my sundo (service) during flood days in Intramuros and going home from evening classes. It was then my sundo again (service) when I started working. And to the other many countless service days whenever Tatay (father) Italicwould like to visit our relatives or take the family outside for bonding.

There's just so, so many good memories with Tatay's jeep. And just like everything, it has also grown old. The paint fainted, the metal tarnished and the seats had been broken. Yet the heart of it, which is it's motor is still alive. Yet, after father died 7 years ago, it hardly ever left it's parking or better say ever run again. I really don't know what happened, I was still in Taiwan then. Don't know why my brothers whom I should say expert drivers, never had the guts to drove Tatay's jeep again. It's late when we learned that it already lost it's franchise and can't be renewed again. Thus, leaving mother to finally decide selling what I should say, her most material possession.

I asked her, " Nay, ok ka lang ba talagang ibenta ang jip? eh souvenir nyo yun ni Tatay. importante yun sa yo." (Mom, are you really ok, selling the jeep? it's yours and father's souvenir. It's important to you). She then utter to me, " Oo, ok lang. Matagal na din syang nakaistambay lang. Tama na yun. Si Tatay mo, kasama natin kahit saan. " (Yes, it's ok. It's been in the parking for a while. I think it's enough. Your father, will always be with us."

And before it finally roll out, I took a picture of her and the jeep for the very last time. I'm glad she's smiling and I'm sure even it's already gone, her memories with this jeep will always be with her. Hat's off to you Survivor.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Notes as ma'am newbie

Last week was a bit hectic schedule for me. With short notice that it's already midterm, it only left me in a panic state preparing for the test exams. More to my dismay, I haven't cover all the topics yet. Partly blaming myself, but isn't it schedule should had been posted or disseminated in advance. OK, so I slip this time and hopefully has learned.

I guess bosing heard my silent protest as September activities was now at the board. Whoa, there will be a total of 3 days off due to holidays and the college semestral field trip for this month. Although am happy since it'll gonna be a long weekend, but obviously will need to do double time for the finals. Uh oh, sounds not so good for me since I'm doing parallel studies with my students. I guess would only mean four times for me to move ahead.

Ask me now if I like what I do? honestly, I can't exactly say that I like it or doesn't at all. There are pros and cons of course. Perhaps it's because I'm still adjusting so let's see what will happen next. And that so far are my experiences in the academe world. Will keep you posted...

Oh by the way, it's September already and "ber months" normally means Christmas period esp that it's the first month. Wow, Christmas is near again! have a good weekend everyone.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's August again!

A week from now, I'll gain another year. I won't post the exact number, OK... I'm still young anyway. But it's interesting to know the changes that lays ahead on this new period of my life.

Interesting - for instance, family members somehow are pushing me to get married. In my thoughts, I had a venue, a motif, the ninong's & ninang's lists as well as the entourage are in completion. But what's lacking is the groom, the most important person... uh oh, so let's see if it'll be this year.

Apologies if I got excited on that thought, I guess all ladies out there would normally feel the same. I once mentioned to a dear friend that it's always exciting to know the ending of once love story. This is esp when most of my friends and colleagues get married. Nevertheless, whatever the Lord has prepared for me is still enormously inspiring.

And after 6years, I'll be celebrating again my birthday with the family. It won't be a grand one, bottom line what matters to me is to celebrate it with the important people in my life. Thanking God as well for sparing me to be alive and still kicking. And, hopefully close friends could come. It's heart warming once people remember you and able to come on your special day right.

And thou a part of me is still recuperating from it's loss. I'm hoping that it'll be over soon. As they say, love is like a wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it. But love just like the wind, once it passed you by, won't come back to where it belongs. But the perfect meaning of love was actually quoted in the bible from 1 Corinthian 13:4-8 and would like to walk with it from now on...

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

Monday, August 10, 2009

In loving

When someone asks, how are you today? normally, one would utter "I'm OK...I'm good" Actually, I always thought that it's always the case regardless the situation is. Meaning, one would expect an affirmative remark. And always been a pleasure response especially if it comes from the heart.

But when your in despair, say for example because of a broken relationship, when something hoped for didn't materialize as expected and seems like everything keeps falling out of place. These exact same words are just so hard, so so hard to exclaim, but yet, most likely, you'll still say, "I'm OK".

I'm writing this because the second one is what I'm going through right now. And most of the time when it rains, it keeps on pouring and it pours a bit hard. Especially if it's related to matters of the heart.

After a long time, I trusted once again to give a part of my heart. Was now ready to take chances wherever the tides brush through. To fight hard for something I thought was mine. Unfortunately, I lost him. He may have grown tired of waiting patiently, or perhaps of my immaturity.

I hoped that I'll bring smile to your face whenever I come across your mind, because me, when I think of you, I can't help not to smile. I missed our silly fights and you always being the one soothing it. When are we going to do it again?...I hoped that I was somehow of helped to you when your learning life, in which you already had that sound wisdom. I missed how you assure me that you'll always be there making me feel so important to you out of your so busy schedule. I missed the many lenghty conversations we had and discussing it together. I'm so used to you....what should I do now? how to move on?

It's very sad that we ended up this way and I regret that I wasn't able to tell you how much you really mean to me. The time your asking why I was so guarded is actually because I'm struggling with my feelings...that I'm falling, falling so deelpy. I regret that I wasn't able to tell mahal na kita ( I love you already)...question you've kept on asking and answer that you've kept on waiting....Not sure if we'll still meet, I guess if it's meant to be, then only time can tell and God only knows when. Take care always AI.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

New opportunites at the doorstep

I've been taking notes since last week to update this blog of mine which I haven't visited for a while. And as much as I would like to do it, my current to-do list prevents me from doing so. Not complaining thou, since those are more urgent than this one. Oh, please spare's because of my new job that make me busy and visible again, in a very different industry that I've grown up with.

Well, yeah the usual routine at home somehow become boring and dull. It's not productive anymore, staring at the same four corners of the house. So I decided to look for at least a part-time job where I could be of more use.

Working in the industry would of course mean a full-time job, so the other option would be in food chains like service crew...joke joke, as if my age would qualify me...ha ha. So, the other option I thought was the academe world.

Yup, since last month I'm doing part time teaching in one of the universities for some basic and major subjects in the same field. The opportunity was really a blessing, because it was so near to where I lived plus it would prepare me shall I pursue further studies which I'm also planning for the next months.

Yeah, I'm starting to make plans again. I've felt that I should kept on going and move forward as to whatever is still left for me. Although there is no guarantee it will materialize, it's better to have purpose again than not having at all.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Make a wish....

How time flies and little did I realize that it's almost six months now after I came back to the Philippines. Don't know exactly if it's really because time flies so fast or was because I've been busy attending to those things left and my starting a life once again after more than 5 years of absence.

Although waking up early and hurrying for work is no more an issue now. Home chores plus occasional to-do list including prospect dealings become my usual daily routine. In which, I often find more tiring, challenging and throbbing. A time where I wish that I was still in a country in which ignorance of the language is a bliss....still a small price thou to pay for such valuable enjoyment of being with my whole family...

More thanks to God for being such a comfort and strength in this bumpy ride. And am sure, His behind all this in order to mold me into the best possible person I could be.

Before I close this post, just want to share this song from the Prince Of Egypt entitled "When You Believe", sung by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston...I just love this song from both my favourite divas of all time...Also tried to I past the video, unfortunately there was an error. So, any help you could extend is much appreciated. So, I will leave with a chorus cut whilst me singing it loudly....

There can be miracles when you believe

Though hope is frail it's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles you can achieve

When you believe somehow you will